Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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