i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
