she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
