Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
