Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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