if you like me you must not know who I am
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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