so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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