I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
