Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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