I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
