My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
