dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
