An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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