When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize