I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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