I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
