Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
