fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
