You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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