WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
