Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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