I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
