Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize