That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
