I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have to summon your inner elephant
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
