Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
either way he was missing a nipple.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
