Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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