Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize