I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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