i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can't special order awesome
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
