He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
