Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
