my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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