i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize