Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
