I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
