Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
