he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Found your dick twin last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
