I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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