so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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