Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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