Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
