my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
