Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't notice because vodka
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
