He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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