just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
