I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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