It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
