Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
