girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
