May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
