Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
