New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
