just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
