When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
