ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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