i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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