yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
