just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
