He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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