i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
