so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize