i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
