sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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