yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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