So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
