so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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