I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize