My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
